wispy fairy.

discouragement abounds as i gain weight.
not much around my face,
but my gut, my thighs, my hips.
they bulge and try to escape the prison of my clothes..
screaming for air and flexibility.
gone are the days when i could proudly sport skinny jeans and tank tops.
hibernation season has taken it's toll.

and now it is time to become wispy.

sparkle.

There was a sparkle on her skin,

Hands dipped in starlight

with little moons at her fingertips

A well, manicured hand. 

wolf and sheep.

Work is a depressing sort of thing, isn't it? I guess that's why it's important to choose the right one. Something that you'll enjoy.

I currently do not enjoy my work. It's a drag. The students are spoiled, rotten, and unreasonable. And what's worse. These are adult students.

I have to be quick and clever. Sneaky, sometimes. But more quick and clever.

It bothers him that he has to be quick and clever. But I see nothing wrong with it. It means I'm learning to be more politically correct and that I'm learning how to run with, or ahead of the wolf pack.

Not that I want to become a wolf, but sure as hell beats being a helpless sheep.

And yes, sheep are innocent. They do nothing wrong.

But they are dim-witted, and stupid. They demand justice, but don't realize that life sucks, and they must be clever. Or at least, they must accept their fate, and work with what they have. But no, sheep become disappointed that things are not fair, and complain, complain, complain.

I hate complaining. It's such a drag.

But I suppose, that just because I don't have much patience. I should work on that.

this love.

This crazy love is all I have. It's at the point where we can both comfortably be with each other. Just sleep with each other. Where we can kiss and hold each other and feel like all is well in the world.

When he hold me real tight and sighs into my neck, my knees buckle, and I squeeze him harder.

We lie under the covers, and I bury my face into the space between his neck and shoulders, and I can feel his lips twitch as he smiles. There's no particular reason why he smiles. He just does.

And then I stick my hand down his underwear and grab his butt, and he flinches, because my hands are usually very cold.

I still grab his ass anyway.

waiting. GAH!

donut for lunch.

A lonely walk through the hustling bustling shopping alleys of myeong dong.
But one look at this cheery, handmade doughnut store makes anyone's day brighter.
Plain Hara Donut, Choco, and Sugarcane.
Sugarcane was the best.

coffee ssong.

I wouldn’t call myself a coffee fanatic. Or a pro. Or anything at all. I don’t even go on ‘usual runs’ to Starbucks or have a favorite cafe. that I go to regularly.

Actually I DO have a favorite cafe in Mokdong, but it’s half an hour away, and I only buy frozen yogurt smoothies.

Anyway, I was craving something warm and filling, so I stopped by this place in front of my institute: Coffee Ssong (커피 쑝)

I asked for a Cafe Macchiatto, expecting something similar to a slightly foamy, milk + coffee mixture (they all seemed the same to me anyway), but the barista politely asked me if i wanted the one in the espresso cup.

A macchiato is actually a shot of espresso, topped with milk foam. THAT much I knew… I’ve just never been to a cafe where they actually serve it in the espresso size. (Except when I was in Hungary, but in Europe, espresso is as common as drip coffee in America.) I asked for a takeout, but she told me that they don’t have an espresso-size take out cup, so I changed my order to a latte.

with less milk then? she asked me.

uh, yeah. less milk is fine.

I didn’t even pay attention as she pressed the ground coffee or steamed the milk. But she made my latte-with-less-milk drink, and told me to let her know if it’s too strong for me.

It was too strong.

So she kindly added a bit more milk. I guess i’m not that used to dark coffees.

Our coffees are a bit strong, she told me.

I tried the latte again (with more milk now) and it was much smoother, and to my liking.

Now, I normally add a bunch of sugar and syrup and cinnamon and what other junk. In fact, my coffee ends up tasting like sweet coffee-flavored milk, not actual coffee. I grabbed one packet of sugar and poured it into my cup.

It’s not going to be enough, I thought

I stirred it anyway, and walked out, because this place was obviously legit, and I didn’t want to look like too much of a noob.

One sip as I walked out of the cafe and I was shocked.

So smooth! 

I couldn’t believe my tongue! No bitter aftertaste (they may have added some salt), completely smooth, and just sweet enough, but not frappuccino-sweet. You could definitely taste the strong coffee, but the sugar didn’t overpower it like my ‘usual’ coffee…

And so much more affordable than Starbucks! $3.50 vs. $5.90???? No thank you! I’ll take my Coffee Ssong!

They have lessons. Espresso making and Drip Coffee. I’m definitely going to ask about it tomorrow during my short break between classes.

I love Coffee Ssong!

wise choices.

am i being smart? or stubborn?
am i ruining my own life?
or just proving to my parents that i can make it on my own?
is it just easier to listen to them?

who knows.

life can be good.

things i like to do.

teaching
baking
cooking
taking pictures
drawing
traveling
shopping
kissing
hugging
snuggling
smiling
drinking coffee
making notes
reading
blogging
watching youtube videos
watching movies
eating
running/walking
exploring
laughing
writing (poorly)

i love you babe.

i love you babe. i love you SO MUCH. 

i want to be tangled up in you, and run my fingers through your thick head of hair (jealous.. -____-;;), and wrap my arms around you. i want to nibble on your face, your nose, your lips, your neck. i want to kiss you all over and be buried under a million layers of fluffy blankets and pillows. i want to wake up next to you, despite my bed head and grimy breath... (>.<;;) i want to be with you when you need me most, and vice versa. 

one day, babe. one day, we'll be able to sleep together, eat together, live together, and grow old together. i'll be collecting rent from my apartments, and you'll sit in your study that lit up with natural sunlight and surrounded with built in bookshelves overflowing with old, leather bound books and other paperback nonsense that never make it on the shelves, but rather, collect in precarious stacks on the floor or the desks... hehehe

and i'll play with buddy. and ride horses. and workout. and stuff.

september now.

it's that kind of love.

i'm five minutes away now.

the commute to see my boyfriend is annoying and draining. he's not far away. maybe thirty minutes? but the subways are loud and crowded. not my ideal mode of transportation at all. if there was a bus, i would've taken it already.

the walk from the station to his apartment is more annoying still. it's always the last stretch that drains me. that makes me want to collapse and walk into the nearest cafe or donut shop just to have an excuse to sit. but when i see him. god, when i see his face. and his smile. his dorky smile with one end of his lip curled up into a mischievous grin, makes is worth it in the end. he held me by my shoulders and looked at me briefly before gently planting his lips on mine.

hey babe. hey.

he removed my backpack (why do i carry that again?) and hung it over his shoulders. there's really nothing in it except maybe an ipad (to keep me occupied during the commute) and a lip balm. and a sticky note and pen. can't forget that. i love leaving little notes in his room. cheesy 'i love you' cliches that actually makes his day. i mean every word whenever i write 'i love you' or 'i want to pinch your butt right now'. i sighed and wrapped my arms around him. i have never felt so happy or comfortable-yet-nervous like this. all the love songs that i've heard (which aren't very many) are really starting to make sense now. the love that i fantasized about, the kind without judgement, without worrying about the future, without being concerned about potential conflicts. the kind of love where both sides are stupidly blind and head over heels for each other. the kind of love that makes you cry whenever you even think about the possibility of losing it. the kind that makes you so kind, so attentive, so gentle. the kind of love that leaves your heart empty and void whenever you have to leave each other, even for the briefest moment. it's the love that strengthens me and fills me with so much joy and so much happiness. it's the kind of love that would break my heart if we are ever to separate (oh god, i hope not...). 

he gave me love.

the kind that makes me stay up at this god forsaken hour to write about it with my poor english skills. 

breathe.

i rest my head on his arms...
worry that it'll fall asleep and he'll have to get it amputated due to lack of blood circulation.
i rest in his arms...
watch his chest move up and down...
i usually fall asleep before he does...
(he has trouble falling asleep)
but until i do...
he kisses me on my forehead, and leaves his lips there..
i hear him breathe.
and it is the most comforting sound i've ever heard.

i choose you.

for the first time...

i have the power to choose.

not the guy.

i have the power to reject.

not the guy.

and i chose.

giovanni.

for better or for worse.