september now.

it's that kind of love.

i'm five minutes away now.

the commute to see my boyfriend is annoying and draining. he's not far away. maybe thirty minutes? but the subways are loud and crowded. not my ideal mode of transportation at all. if there was a bus, i would've taken it already.

the walk from the station to his apartment is more annoying still. it's always the last stretch that drains me. that makes me want to collapse and walk into the nearest cafe or donut shop just to have an excuse to sit. but when i see him. god, when i see his face. and his smile. his dorky smile with one end of his lip curled up into a mischievous grin, makes is worth it in the end. he held me by my shoulders and looked at me briefly before gently planting his lips on mine.

hey babe. hey.

he removed my backpack (why do i carry that again?) and hung it over his shoulders. there's really nothing in it except maybe an ipad (to keep me occupied during the commute) and a lip balm. and a sticky note and pen. can't forget that. i love leaving little notes in his room. cheesy 'i love you' cliches that actually makes his day. i mean every word whenever i write 'i love you' or 'i want to pinch your butt right now'. i sighed and wrapped my arms around him. i have never felt so happy or comfortable-yet-nervous like this. all the love songs that i've heard (which aren't very many) are really starting to make sense now. the love that i fantasized about, the kind without judgement, without worrying about the future, without being concerned about potential conflicts. the kind of love where both sides are stupidly blind and head over heels for each other. the kind of love that makes you cry whenever you even think about the possibility of losing it. the kind that makes you so kind, so attentive, so gentle. the kind of love that leaves your heart empty and void whenever you have to leave each other, even for the briefest moment. it's the love that strengthens me and fills me with so much joy and so much happiness. it's the kind of love that would break my heart if we are ever to separate (oh god, i hope not...). 

he gave me love.

the kind that makes me stay up at this god forsaken hour to write about it with my poor english skills. 

breathe.

i rest my head on his arms...
worry that it'll fall asleep and he'll have to get it amputated due to lack of blood circulation.
i rest in his arms...
watch his chest move up and down...
i usually fall asleep before he does...
(he has trouble falling asleep)
but until i do...
he kisses me on my forehead, and leaves his lips there..
i hear him breathe.
and it is the most comforting sound i've ever heard.